Novel

It’s difficult to organize some thoughts in a way that’s understandable
Maybe it isn’t meant to be understood

Tricky
Complicated
Wonderful
Guilty
Deceit
Justice
Pride
Happy

You’re a kitten and your master who you love and adore feeds you water and dry cat food. Your owner works all day and only plays with you once a week. Your owner browses animal shelters looking for new kittens every day while you sit at home alone and play with your tail…

Then you smell something outside and you find a way to sneak out of the house. You enter the house with the yummy smells. There’s a different owner inside..you’ve never seen another owner before. He feeds you milk and wet cat food and plays with you all day. You realize your owner might be off work soon and you rush back into your house to try to greet him at the door.

Every day you sneak over to the other owner and you find yourself wanting to be over there more and more. The owner actually wants you around and makes you feel like you are important somewhere. You want to stay over there forever but how can you leave your original owner who raised you from birth and helped you become who you are, almost a cat!

Now the other owner waits for you to sneak out because he needs his play and cuddle time just as much as you do.

Do you continue to go over even when you have no idea whether or not you can do that to your original owner? Or do you stop for fear of hurting the new owner that you now care about maybe almost as much as your original owner? Can you stop?

Cataphors for the win!

Nothing can ever be said that needs to be said. Not because I don’t know how or I’m unsure of what to say but because I hate the thought of saying things that might not ever be able to become what they could and I won’t let you feel that way.

It’s very strange how quickly things have happened but how long it feels like its been…timing is great but terrible. I hope someone high up knows what they’re doing…

Its this dull stabbing feeling in the back of my brain
Close my eyes and fill my head with nonsense to drown the pain
Why do I bother when I know what I’m in for
There’s little worse than being ignored

Not good enough to be put before anything else?
Not important enough to talk to at least once a day?
Not important enough to bother asking where I am or what I’m doing or how I’m doing?
Not good enough to want to go out and do things with?
Not loveable enough to care about?

Okay…I love feeling important…


-OP

I tear my heart open, I sew myself shut
My weakness is that I care too much
And our scars remind us that the past is real
I tear my heart open just to feel

I tried to help you once
Against my own advice
I saw you going down
But you never realized
That you’re drowning in the water
So I offered you my hand
Compassions in my nature
Tonight is our last stand

I can’t help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried
I’m sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
I can’t help you fix yourself
But at least I can say I tried

-Papa Roach